I have an unhealthy addiction to weight loss. I literally go through life daily thinking about my weight and how I can be smaller. This blog will take you on a journey of my thoughts, my struggles, and ultimately - my successes.
During my twenties, I've been on a roller coaster of weight. My weight has been up and down over the past seven or eight years. I've done some reflecting and the one thing I can say is that I never accepted myself at any weight. I felt like I could always have a smaller waist line, a flat stomach, smaller breast, or proportioned legs - regardless of my size I was always trying to change something. I've heard people say that the things you focus on in life will intensify. For example, if you think you have a big head, you begin to focus on it, obsess over it if you will, and your main focus (regardless of whether it's related) becomes your big head. You start to think that it's all other people can see and you react accordingly. Eventually, you end up going out of your way to make accommodations for your big head. In the process, you've forgotten all about the rest of your life and you're unnecessarily stressed out about your head. In short, that's exactly what has happen to me. I have let my thoughts with weight consume me - because of that I am reprogramming my weight loss plan. My number one goal is to be comfortable in the skin I am currently in - all 152 pounds of it. I will continue to eat healthy and work out as a part of my plan. The difference now is that I'm learning to love me just as I am. That's the Secret! Adios!
I bring you warm Salutations from my third day of being trapped by the snow storm. Last week I discovered that I had randomly gained 5 pounds. I went absolutely ballistic! I couldn't believe it! Now grant it I hadn't been on the scale since December 18th - that day I was 12 pounds down! Whewhewwwww! I can't explain the increasingly warm and fuzzy feeling I felt on that day! If you think falling in love gives you butterflies - losing weight makes you feel like you're in a constant state of utter bliss - a true Euphoria! I loved that feeling so much I avoided the scale for an entire six weeks which just so happened to be . . ."The Holiday Season!" I went home to California, took a trip to Las Vegas and was still very cautious of my weight goals. I went running every day while in the golden state (a time period of almost two weeks) and refrained from the creams, pastries, fats etc. However, I have no idea how well my plan worked because I never took the assessment - getting on the scale. I took variations of that same plan to Vegas (C'mon its Vegas) and even received compliments from my BFF who saw me at my most concerning and eye opening weight. After Vegas, I felt good, I looked good - so after much coxing from my mother and compliments from friends, family, co-workers, and even my students - I decided to face it - the scale. As I re-live that day - I don't even know if there are words to describe my pain. I was broken-hearted, lost, discouraged, empty, furious, guilty, and disappointed all at the same time. I felt like I'd just sent my daughter off to college and then discovered a pair of clear heels in her luggage while she returned home for winter break. I was devastated! I called my BFF and we came up with a plan (this sounds like a crazy plan but in her defense she did not feel like my circumstances were severe enough to implement it) - the Fruit & Veggie Diet. All you do is eat fruits and vegetables for a specified amount of time. I did it for a week and lost 2.5 pounds. I was semi-happy but still longed to see those December 18th magic numbers - 147. Losing weight is an arduous process. I've been up and I've been down. My motivation is gradually dwindling. I starved myself for a week only to be stuck in the house for four days due to a ridiculous snow storm - I got on the scale this morning (and I have been eating healthy since I've been home but I got cabin fever yesterday and walked 1.5 miles to CVS to get junk food and I definitely overdid it) and gained 2 pounds - sigh. Now, while I'm sure most of this is water retention (because I had way too much salt) I still can't help but feeling like crap. I don't know what to do - continue on my own or reach for help. Any suggestions? Is anyone even reading this? Sigh. . . .and on top of all that my street still isn't plowed - I heard PG County ran out of funds for snow removal.
I am obsessed with weight! All my life (regardless of my size) I've always wanted to be smaller and thinner. I've never been happy with my size. As a direct result of that I have developed an unhealthy obsession with weight. Like SWV said "It's always on my mind, all the time - thinking of it". I can honestly say I have been pursing weight loss relentlessly for most of my twenties. My former weights have been 123, 129, 130, 135, 140 and (my highest weight ever) 159! It appears to me as though my "obsession" has not assisted me one bit in the weight loss process. It has however, stressed me out, caused me to gain more weight, and has made all of my friends, family, and some co - workers tell me to SHUT - UP! Well, I agree. From now on, I choose to find a new and healthy obsession! I will continue to lose weight but refuse to obsess about it! I am beautiful! I am going to be content with where I am while actively striving for where I want to be! It's not a competition but ultimately, I will win this race! I'm thinking about dancing for my new obsession - any suggestions?
Hey Everyone! It's been a while - I know, I know, I know! It really helps me blog when I know you all are reading. I love feeling like the world is watching (thanks Ray & Ray). Well, a quick update - I'm still winning! I am 9 pounds lighter - YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! I'm not sure what my weight loss per week is but I know that this week I lost nothing. I can attribute that to two things 1) I didn't get to go to the gym at all and 2) sheer exhaustion. Contrary to popular belief sleep is related to weight loss (google it). Now, I've decided to do something a little different. Tonight, I'm going to give you ten things I've learned on my weight loss journey complete with examples. Sit back, relax, and read on!
1. Cheating is essential! No one person can omit everything unhealthy from their diet - it's impossible. If you know someone who has done this they are lying to you - get rid of them!
2. You will never want to work out! However if you don't you'll be saggy and flabby. You have two choices - 1)complain about working out while working out or 2) complain about being saggy and flabby because you didn't work out.
3. Saying "NO" becomes easy and starts to carry over to other parts of your life. Ex: The other day one of my co-workers asked me if I wanted this chocolate thing and I said "No - Thank you" - simple. Shortly after that, a homeless man asked me for money and I said "No - Thank you" - I guess this is only a benefit if you have issues saying "no".
4.Every pound lost is instant therapy! No matter what type of tangled mess your life may be in, the fact that you're losing weight makes it all better! You can walk away from every situation knowing that you are too cute to stress over your car being repossessed - lol!
5.Some people will try make you think you were cuter heavier. It's a lie and the truth is not in them - get rid of them because they are trying to steal your shine - (or your man/woman)!
6.Random Facebook Checks Please - as a public service - go through and take down/untag yourself (email and call people if you have to) in all the albums/pictures that you and/or other people put up of you while you were in your "thick" stage. You should replace the old photo's with current photo's. Trust me - it makes you feel good and is a constant reminder of your success!
7.Buy yourself something in 5 or 10 pound increments. This is self-explanatory.
8.Track your progress. You need to know what works and what doesn't.
9. Do NOT watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" and/or "Celebrity Fit Club". If nothing else - the shows are at least an hour. You watching them work out doesn't in any way shape or form help you. Be smart and go to the gym or take a walk during that time.
10. Get an accountability system/plan. Whether you are blogging, talking to friends, doing WW, or just sharing your thoughts on fb - find a way for other people (those who have your best interest at heart) to hold you accountable for your weight loss.
Thanks for reading and until next time - try to be healthy!
I am so fatfull right now! I can't eat another thing! The problem with going from house to house is that everyone expects you to eat/taste all ten dishes they made including dessert. Oh and just in case you were wondering (in the African American culture) a "No- thank you" is a blatant sign of disrespect to the chef and their family - you would NEVER be invited to that house again. As you can see above I was starving around 1:00 and decided to sneak two peanut butter Oreo cookies. I would love to give you a summary of what I ate on thanksgreedy day. My eating is as follows:
House #1 @ 3:55 Pre dinner - (you know that part of the meal when you've been waiting and you can smell the food but it's not ready! You keep thinking to yourself "if I could just get a biscuit, a cracker or two, something to hold me over for the next hour!")
Chedder Cheese Crackers 2 glasses of water 3 Jolly ranchers 2 oreo cookies
Yummmmy. . .It was great! In my defense I did practice portion control and I ate until I was satisfied but not stuffed. I have no excuse for the Pre - Dinner meal other than I was starving. The real issue comes in at House #2. I went home to let Agape out and my friend (thanks) invited me over to her bootleg adopted family's house ( the family wasn't bootleg I'm just saying that my friend isn't really adopted and the fact that she refers to them as her adopted family is what is actually bootleg about the situation - excuse the fragment/run-on and you know I love you so calm down). Anyway, the family was lovely and I truly enjoyed myself. However, the chefs (the mom and pop) of the house were very adamant about me eating. Now, remember, I just ate less than two hours ago. I kept telling them that I would eat soon. . .in half an hour or so. I honestly thought that they would forget but NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Let me tell you, they reminded me every half hour!!! The food was great but here is what I forced myself to eat at House #2 in the order listed: House # 2 @ 7:00
Dessert (featured above) Lemon pound cake with strawberries that I stole from the strawberry short cake
Dinner Turkey Candied yams Salad Macaroni n Cheese
I feel like a beach whale right now - I think I'm going to starve myself for the next three weeks. I'm going to leave you with this short poem.
Giving thanks is calorie free but eating all you want Is you being greedy Thank your fam - tell them you care Then wave goodbye and get out of there!
Greetings! It's been almost one week since my last blog entry. Do you see that picture - that represents how i feel!!! Why? Well, quite frankly I've been a little sick of all this weight loss stuff. Plus, I'm not losing weight as quickly as I would like (quick update - only four pounds lighter). On top of that I am very sick of working out! I just wanna cry! I feel like a fat crying baby! During the four days (geez-fine, six days) I've been away I've been daydreaming about what it must be like to be skinny! WOW! It must be nice to try on a dress and not have to envision what you'd look like once you put on Spanx! Or how about being able to squeeze through a small space without your hips knocking over something. Ahhhhhh - what it must be like not to have people accidentally hit your boobs as they walk by! I soooooooooooo want to be skinny right this second!! Skinnyness come to me now!!!!! Ok - enough of that - moving right along.
Confession: I haven't been on the scale in a week. I'm very afraid that I've lost nothing. I'm trying to convince myself tonight so that maybe in the morning - I'll be brave! I don't understand why this takes so long and I'm a little frustrated. I'm working out and I'm eating healthy. I'm also unsure of which diet approach to take (WW, count calories, portion control, just eating healthy, following the $300 plan I payed for from a nutritionist in August). I don't know! I feel like I need help (for free). Are there any takers??
P.S - If you're reading this - I'm downstairs in the basement working out and crying. I've decided to force myself to work out while crying about my weight loss journey - I hope I can see the Hip Hop Abs man through my tears!